A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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