the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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