remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize