Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize