Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize