Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
time to smoke my breakfast
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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