Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
