did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
