One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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