True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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