My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize