I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize