I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You are the jesus of drinking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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