I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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