C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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