i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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