if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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