the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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