we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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