Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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