I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
send nudes
from the living room?
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