I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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