we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize