dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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