she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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