The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
People in love make me want to vomit
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize