the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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