return my video game
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
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Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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