I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So vagazzling was a success
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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