woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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