I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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