Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize