So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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