the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize