So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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