I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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