Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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