So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize