accomplished twins. life is a go
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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