Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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