you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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