yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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