she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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