also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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