rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
