I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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