He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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