I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this just has baby written all over it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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