they need to just BURY HIM!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize