Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize