I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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