Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You smell like stripper and shame
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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